Today is day 4 of 58 of my journaling to self-discovery. Today's prompt is: Try and name the thoughts that lay behind these feelings. This prompt goes with yesterday's journal to name three emotions I was feeling at the moment. I'm going to re-list them and give my thoughts behind them also:
1.) Fear. This one should be obvious. The world is a very scary place right now. I'm not scared for myself. I'm scared for everyone else, my family, friends, etc. I'm scared we will lose lots of people we love, our elder population, etc.
2.) Nervous. I'm nervous because I am a planner. I like to plan ahead. I can't do that at the moment. The world and the future outlook is so uncertain right now. I have OCD when it comes to planning and as you can imagine, it's flipping out right now.
3.) Sadness. As stated in the last journal, I miss my mom. I am staying away from her due to this virus. We talk hours on the phone daily though. I did see her today, she went out (can't stop her lol) and got some things she needed, and dropped some stuff off here. We kept it short, maybe 5 minutes. I wanted to do the shopping for my mom, but like many people, she wants to do it for herself. My brother, on the other hand, he is a prick. He is so mean to our mother, in the way his attitude is to her. He is another reason I am sad, we have one of the best mothers in the world and he acts like she is nothing. It breaks my heart for her, but I try to show her she is my world daily.
On to my day so far, not good. My back is out, which sucks. I have 5 herniated disks in my lower back and sometimes they flare up, and unfortunately, that is happening right now, hopefully, its a fast flare. Food is not doing too well today, had a sandwich and chips for breakfast (I know lol), and chicken fajitas for lunch. A little under 1000 calories for today. Going to keep dinner as low as possible. Other than that things seem to be going as planned for today. My mom took precautions while she was out and about for the first time, so I'm glad of that. 99 cases in my state but none in my county yet, so hopefully it stays that way. I hope everyone has a wonderfully blessed day, I have you all in my prayers!
