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This is the first time in 148 days that I've been here. I first must say I'm very sorry to few buddies I have. I'm sorry I've not been here to support you and listen to you. I'm glad that I was able to get little updates but sorry for just dropping out like that.
My life went crazy. I was just reading my last journal entry. I was on a down slope then things went down completely. On March 13 my dad died. He had been in the hospital since March 1 but he was doing better. The all at once wasn't. I went to Ohio to help my mom. She wanted me to stay to help her with paperwork and things. I went and stayed because I didn't have a job. I was in Ohio until the middle of May. Being with my mom is a really bad thing for me. One minute she is giving me a lecture about what I eat. And the next she is practically shoving the wrong things down my throat. She asks me things like should you be eating that? Then when she offers me something and I decline, then she says things like oh do you think you're better than I am? Or what's wrong with having just a little bit of it? It's still my own fault that I declined back up the scale. I have to stop being out of control.
So I came home the 3rd week in May. My mom came down the first week in June. She has been here since then. Same thing at my house. No self control on my part. No purpose, no focus. Then on June 23 my grandma died after an extremely short illness. Hard to deal with. So the rest of June and most of July are a blurr. Gained weight during all of this time. As you can see from my latest weigh in.
Now on Wednesday, I go back to Ohio. I'm taking my mom back home. But I need to stay there to help with more things. I am also getting my teeth fixed. Will be there for who knows how long. BUT...
I've made a plan. I am starting over so to speak. I have this great tool. It worked for me before. It can work for me again. I was reviewing my weight journey over the past couple of days. I learned a few positive things. Amazing! Actually positive things. I know I was surprised too! :D
I don't know the date of this weight. But my highest weight recorded was 335. I struggled with losing and gaining the same 20 pounds for a really long time. I got tired of it. Then I heard about gastric bypass surgery. I did research on it. I found out that it was really expensive. So I dismissed it for a long time. Then I went back to school to start a new career. Gained a few pounds while in school. Because new education I was able to get a good job with good benefits. The gastric bypass came up again. I did more research and decided to go for it.
That was in March 2009. I know, a long time ago. I'm not sure of the date of my fist Dr. visit. For some reason I didn't put the date down. Just the weight. On that day I weighed 276.6. At the Dr. visit 2 weeks before my surgery I weighed 265.0. On March 10, 2009 at the hospital I was 251.6.
I followed all the rules. Was sick. Had few complications. Had to have surgery again to remove an ulcer that would not heal on the staple line. That was in October 2010. All that time I was losing weight. Then people started telling me I was too thin. I needed to change what I was doing. All kinds of negative. And stupid me, I listened to them instead of the positive people. Few tho they were, I should have listened to them.
My lowest recorded weight was on November 20, 2010. It was 136.6! I could see the finish line and instead of running as fast as I could toward it. I turned around and ran the other way!!! My goal was 110! I was getting there at a good pace. But started getting so depressed and anxious that I could do it. In that time somewhere I lost my job because I couldn't go to work because of anxiety. I didn't go out much at all.
I lost and gained. Lost a little, gained more. Lost a little, gain even more. So now here I am with a gain of 63.4 pounds and I want to stop! Right now! I want to stop and begin again.
I've recorded new information. I'm looking at the positive side of this. I looked at my weights and the BMI's that went with them. This is what I found.
335.0=65.4
276.6=54.0
265.0=51.7
251.6=49.1
200.0=39.1 This is where I start right now. That is a big improvement! BMI is not the most important thing to me. It was just of interest because that's what they looked at to see if I could have the surgery.
Today I start at 200.0 pounds. I have officially recorded my weight. I have official recorded my measurements with the help of DH. I have official recorded all of this with pictures. Front, back and both sides. Just like the ones we took for the first month after my surgery. I've written down my ultimate goal. I've recorded the steps I am going to take to get there.
My ultimate goal is to lose 2 pounds a week and lose 100 pounds by July 11, 2015. I would like to lose a little bit more than that average to begin with. I would like to lose 60 pounds by December 31, 2014. I have goals along the way.
Daily Goals: Eat 90 to 120 grams of Protein. Eat protein first ALWAYS. Follow the 30-30-30 rule. Stop drinking 30 minutes before eating, Take 30 minutes to eat, Don't drink for 30 minutes after eating. Not drinking at all with meals. Drink 64 to 96 oz. of water a day. Strive to walk 10000 steps a day. Journal everything I eat on paper and electronically. Eat 1000 to 1300 calories per day. Measure ALL food. Chew, Chew, Chew. Take vitamins. Record my thoughts, feelings, fears, anything that will help me to stay focused and positive.
Other Goals: Weight once a week. Measure and take pictures once a month. Walk everyday I'm in Ohio. Try to get my mom to walk with me. When I get back home add the Wii exercises. Also add the 30 Day Challenge exercises.
Attend support meetings at Clinic on 2nd Tuesday of each month. Attend support meetings at Hospital on 4th Tuesday of each month. The meeting at the Clinic is a small group. The meeting at the Hospital is a larger group with only surgical patients. Find positive. Listen to ONLY positive.
I'm going to start just like I did when I was going to have surgery. I'm going back to the liquid program for at least two weeks. Lots of protein. Lots of focus. Changing the way I look at food. Building excitement again for my new life that is before me. I have a list of serving sizes. What is the best things for me to eat for protein. I have my first smartphone. I'm learning to use it as a support tool. Focus on how full feels and stop when I'm there.
I hope I have the ability to stay focused on the task. I want to stay positive. To remember that there will be times when things are not going the way I would like them to. But it is a journey with ups and down. Maybe even sideways moves but I WILL cross the finish line this time. I will fight to be healthy. To know that nothing tastes as good as thin feels! NOTHING!
Thanks for listening. I hope everyone has a good day. I will try to be less selfish.
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