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My body feels better today.. maybe because I'm putting the right stuff in it!
Last night was a bit hard. I was fidgety...looking for that boredom snack.
Proud of myself for not having a snack for the sake of a snack!
Tried to think of reasons why I started eating for comfort in the first place.
I remember being about age 7 or so, and hiding inside the pantry so I could eat the hostess cupcakes.
The lady next door would call me the cupcake girl, because every time I would go over to her house, I would take a hostess cupcake from her treat drawer.
Turns out the people next door were nice. All except for their son who was a year older than I was.
I remember being about 5 or 6 and being under the stairs at his house, and him wanting to play doctor. I knew it was not right, something just didn't feel right about it even at that young.
We got caught a couple of times, and things stopped until I was about 10 or 11.
He came to our summer house and kept asking that I do sexual things for him. Again it felt wrong the whole time. It was forced.
I suppose from age 10 to age 17 I felt like I had to. My outlet was food. I couldn't say anything.
It wasn't until years later when I was about 26, that I told my mother. She wanted to know why I didnt want to invite the neighbors to my wedding. She didnt believe me.
For the next 7 years I was in a marriage where I was verbally abused. And I ate.
Thus, the 100 lbs. gain. I paid for everything while my 'husband' sat on the couch and played video games. House, cars, motorcycle, ....the stress of it was too much.
I left him 2 years ago. I have a wonderful 4 year old boy, who is my world. The man I am dating now is wonderful and supportive to me.
I feel I need to leave all this behind me and move on. It was damn near 20 years ago!
Some things stay with you. But I need to find a way to say it's not my fault, and that I am a good person, and move on. Time to start loving me. That little girl couldn't do anything to stop it.
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1632 kcal
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Vet: 33,65g | Eiwit: 88,77g | Kolhy: 247,44g.
Ontbijt: Milk (2% Lowfat with Added Vitamin A), Honey Nut Cheerios. Lunch: Ken's Steak House Lite Creamy Caesar Dressing, Fresh Express Garden Salad, Lean Cuisine Spaghetti with Meat Sauce w/Mushrooms & Basil. Diner: Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas. Snacks/Andere: Apple Bread. meer...
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