ohiogirl63's Logboek, 16 jan 15

Well, I found out why maybe everything I try to eat has been grossing me out. It seems our fridge wasn't working correctly. DH decided to look at it because all our milk went sour really fast. The front and back of it was covered with cat hair. Great huh?? So I guess that was why my pudding tasted bad to me.

I don't think there will be any loss this week. That will be really depressing. I need to drink a lot more water. A lot more. Weigh in is tomorrow.

I'm trying to do more exercise. I started with the Wii. I work out really low impact ways. I hope it is building me up to be better. I guess I need to give myself a little bit of time. Or maybe a lot of time.

I still think there might be something wrong with my pouch. I have ulcer symptoms. Last time I had them I had to have the ulcer removed from my pouch. I think that might be great because I felt so much better after that surgery. The only problem is we don't have insurance right now. So I have to wait for DH to get his benefits from his new job. I don't know that DH will want me to have surgery again. He is worried about it.

I want to have the surgery right now. Today would be great. Then I could start all over again and get back to where I was when I originally started. I was successful. I followed the rules. I lost 119 pounds from March to December. Is that successful??? I really wonder. Was that successful??

Why don't I remember how I did it? Why can't I get back there? Why can't I get to being there with a positive, confident way?

Makes me cry. Makes me sad. Struggle and questions that I don't seem to be able to answer. Do I look at my journals? Where do I go? Where do I start?

I don't think there is a way to go back. Thinking it to death.