icymaiden's Logboek, 26 okt 11

For me it has always been "The Golden Rule". I follow it everyday and it does give my life a purpose, i serve God by helping others who need help.Big or small,everyone needs some kind of help everyday.Even if you just help find an item for someone or help pick up their change off the floor for an elderly person.God always puts you at the right place at the right time.Even if we don't realize it at the time. 

Wow, Icy - this is such a good question. And I have been sitting here just thinking about how to answer. For me, when I look back over my life, my purpose becomes clearer... in that my relationships have defined my use of time. I am a Child of God, a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister, a neice, a cousin, an aunt, and a friend. I am all those things, and yet all but the first do not define my purpose, or fulfill me completely. I have often asked this very question in prayer. What is my purpose, God? And with three kids moving forward in life, and facing an empty nest very soon... surely they weren't my sole purpose! And yet I love being a mom. My husband - well, circles and circles of finding our way into a healthy and whole relationship - of love and respect, honor, and forgiveness - but even with that - we are human, and this in and of itself - doesn't always fulfill me. Had a job that I excelled at... didn't do it. Honoring and taking care of my sick mother - surely not my 'purpose'. Or is it? - For me it has become an accumulated tapestry of relationships. First w/ my personal relationship w/ God - and then with my Husband and family - then with the world around me. Sometimes my greatest purpose for the day, is to smile at a stranger and compliment the color of their blouse. Other times, it might be consoling a friend who just lost their spouse. You just never know what each day will bring. But the value I hold in my heart on loving others - it has become my purpose. To love God with all my heart, soul, strength and mind... and to love others. That's all he asks of any of us. And it's all I have to give, really. - BTW, thank you for asking this... I am looking forward to ready others replies also! Much Love to you while you find your daily peace in all you do :) 

God. By trying to serve God in the best way possible it means that I serve my husband, my children, my friends and even those I don't know. I do not look for others to "make me happy" or define my purpose. I volunteer my time and assets when and where I can. I strive to be the best wife and best friend to my husband. I try to be the type of woman that my daughters will want to grow up to be and that my son will one day seek for a wife. I try to remember to forgive others for their shortcomings as I see them because I am certain that I have many of my own. My true purpose is to leave behind a legacy - a sea of people that I have touched who in turn touch the lives of others because of something that I said or did that changed their lives because of something that was said or done to me that positively changed my life. Proverbs 31:10-31 -- this completely defines my purpose - Who I want to be. A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Now - with all that being said. Do I succeed in this each and every day? No. I have days when I'm miserable. Cranky. Unhappy. Dissatisfied. Frustrated. But - it doesn't change my purpose, or what I strive for. Fall down. Get up. Brush off. Start over. :) I'm glad you asked this. I enjoyed thinking about it and being reminded.  

For me the small things you all mention to me aren't a "purpose" and aren't big enough to give my life a bigger meaning. These are things you should be doing anyhow to be a good person. Like helping strangers, complimenting people you don't know, lifting up people who are down, taking care of your family and home. As a woman who never wanted children and who pretty much is agnostic, I'm finding what most people define as a purpose just doesn't apply to me. There has to be a reason I was put on this earth.  

Not to be combative - because I know everyone has different beliefs - but perhaps that is why you are struggling so with your purpose? Are you looking for something like you discover the answer to world hunger, or you invent a way to control the weather? Are you closing yourself off to the smaller things that combined may be bigger than you're crediting yourself? There are many bad people out there whose purpose is to get ahead at all costs - and many good people who, perhaps like you, feel they lack purpose in their life. Perhaps you have achieved your purpose - the reason you were put here has already been defined in the life of another and you just don't know it. Or, perhaps you need to further reflect and determine what you would consider to be "worthy" of your purpose - to your liking and satisfaction. I am content with my purpose as defined by me. You may need to identify what you would be content with before you actually can define what would be applicable to you.  

It's more the sum total of all the small things - that give purpose to my life. But a better question is... what are your interests? Where do you feel passionate about life? I personally believe there are multiple reasons why we are given life...but even in that...you may believe the creation of life is just merely a genetic process. I believe it's a miracle. I guess what I am saying...is how you think, and what you believe - may very well be holding you back from actually finding the answer to your question. If you're agnostic, why do you care about being a good person? I think inside all of us is a deep seeded desire to have it all count for something. To leave this life without contributing on some level - feels inherently wrong (at least to me). And to have any idea how and where and why you want to make any contribution - be it kindness, or career, be it philanthropic or just simplistic caring of others - you first have to step away from all of your OLD thinking about yourself - and look at your life for some clues. What are your driving passions? What makes you happy? Where do you feel most successful? What makes you cry at the thought of it? - One day you may find that there's a way to reach out into this world, and other people's lives - and use those answers, your passions - to reach them somehow. To help them reach higher! Achieve more! or Just feel cared about. I don't think these things are small by any means. I think you should keep asking - and keep searching - and keep an open mind to some of the 'odd' answers that come back to you... they just might have some clues you are looking for. 

Heidi: I'm not looking to cure cancer or something as grand as all that. And the thought that I have achieved my purpose but be left in the dark about it is perplexing and dissappointing. I get no validation without knowing I've contributed. The problem is identifying what my purpose should be or is. It's like the question "what do you want to be when you grow up" I'm grown, and I still can't answer that question. I see other people who knew from the get go what they want out of life and they go after it. They knew early on what they wanted to do/be. I never had that epiphany. I don't enjoy being directionless. JS: My interests are superficial and don't really contribute to society as a whole. I love to act, and I love animals. Both things I'm passionate about, but having my pets doesn't qualify as a purpose to me cause there are more animals put to death than I can save, and acting is just me wanting vain attention and amusing people as a distraction from what should be important. I'm more of a life is just a genetic creation, to me a mircle is something that occurs rarely, and babies are born daily. As for this one "if you're agnostic why do you care about being a good person?" This question has to be answered with another question JS. Do you assume that only religious people are capable of having morality? Just because I'm not churchy doesn't mean I don't have ethics and morals. The opposite thought would be like saying all religious people are good and moral (and I live in the same town as Pat Robertson, so to me that thought process is complete lunacy). I care about being a good person because my mother taught me that is how people should act. Even though I'm not religious I believe in "do unto others". I don't like it when people are selfish and entitled, so I can't expect to behave that way myself and have others accept that as good or correct behavior. I agree with you when you say to leave this life without making a contribution, but if it's like Heidi mentioned, well how in the world do I know if I've done that? JS, the things that used to make me happy, no longer do. They seem trite and shallow and pointless. I don't know what would make me happy, other than knowing I am making a difference and that I have a purpose other than my daily suffering. Most the time I wish I was naive and dumb about the world, then I wouldn't feel so angry about things I cannot change, cause I wouldn't even be smart enough to know things need to change.  

Ok, slow down there buddy - You love something - and then you belittle it to it's lowest common denominator. You don't know that your purpose here in this life is NOT about animals, or about acting - two things you say you love - what if these two things in some way provide you a compass towards that fulfilling purpose. And you've just disgarded them as being insignificant. The greater problem is that you see yourself as insignificant. (and just for the record, I don't think all 'religious' people are good and moral, anymore than I think all agnostic people are selfish and entitled.) There's a truly eye opening statement in what you wrote: "The things that used to make me happy, no longer do." ME TOO! Seriously, the things I once thought were so important to me, now...not so much. And the things I have described that bring me the greatest sense of accomplishment in my day to day life - to give love to another human being - well, it's taken me years to appreciate just how fulfilling that really is to me. I'm saying that will ever be you. But you have opened up some great discussion here for you to ponder on. Can you see yourself ever working with or volunteering for a shelter w/ animals, a farm, or even starting something where you combine your love of animals with acting? Or could you see yourself - just because it brings you joy - becoming involved in another acting project - while you pursue finding your more true and deep meaning to your life? One thing I'm pretty confident about is you're not going to get very far, when you spend more time 'diss'ing' yourself - calling your life's efforts trite, shallow and pointless... heck, if they are... then change them. Even if it's not your TRUE purpose - find something - anything that you would deem valuable - and contribute. Then take a step back and evaluate the process. Did it bring you any joy? Did you make any kind of a difference? Do you still feel it was valuable - and if so, would you do it again? Go to a Nursing Home full of senior citizens who most get zero visitors whatsoever, and read to them. Or act out a one man play. Do a performance. Volunteer somewhere. Play a sport. Get involved in SOMETHING - that gets you out of your comfort zone, and out of your own head for awhile! Do something where you put the needs of others (people or animals) first for a little while. The re-assess. You might just find there are some things that you discover about yourself. When I first started to do things like this...I figured out pretty quick I was a whole lot more selfish than I ever gave myself credit. I also discovered there are some things in this world I am pretty good at. And if I enjoy them - and I'm good at them - and I'm helping someone else somehow... I start to make that contribution that I was talking about. What do you think about all that??? You sure aren't going to get anywhere w/ the naive and dumb mantra. BE the change you want to be. You are not dumb or naive - you are hungry to have some kind of LIFE INTERACTION... it's what keeps us going. At my deepest level I truly believe people want and need to be loved. To be cared about. To be interacted with. Talked to. Respected. Enjoyed. Laughed with. And Cried with. Find something that you are willing to at least explore.  

JS, thanks for the reading/offering advice. I'm pretty sure the only thing that will get me out of my own head is a lobotomy. The basic message I'm getting here is if I don't like where my life is I have to change it. I know this. What I don't know is what to change it too. I've always considered myself a chameleon type who changes to my environment and never really having solid sense of who I am or what I want. Its flexable depending on the company I keep. That is probably why I'm drawn to acting. I can be whoever I need to be for the role. It's easy to lose myself when I have no real "self" to go back to.  

You said that you are agnostic. That's fine. What you haven't said is that you are an atheist. Do you think that maybe there is a reason for these feelings and that they exist because you are not fullfilling God's purpose for yourself? We are never guaranteed another day on this fine planet. It would surely be oportunistic of you to find your way before it was too late. I hope this comment was not offensive to you. I only meant well.  

For me, life is all about being the best I can be by not being afraid to grow & change & love & live. Being able to look at myself in the mirror, acknowledge my faults AND my good points personality wise is important. Regardless of anything, I need to be feeling good about my big choices in life. My hobbies may change from time to time, but the bottom line basics; honor, faith, love, etc. I have to be comfortable with my fundamental choices of what kind of person I am & want to be. Not staying "true" to myself on that level WILL keep me awake at night. For the most part...I sleep like a baby! 

Not offended at all. I can't answer your question for the same reason I'm agnostic. Faith is not based on proof or logic. I can neither prove nor disprove God's existance. I cannot be an atheist because I cannot say with certainty that God does not exist. I also cannot prove God does exist. If God exists, he would know that any messages for me would need to be pretty obvious and less subtle for me to "get it" 

Oh my goodness. I was right where you are a few years ago. I am not going to push my religion or my God on you but I can speak from experience in saying that my life had no meaning at all. I was lost and unhappy. But I was able to find something that motivated me. Something that made me realize that it's all not for nothing. I hope some day that you too can find something that will motivate you and give you meaning.  

"What I don't know is what to change it too." - Ok, big deep breath here... While I sympathize with you on one level, because I have been there... I think personally, to do nothing is the worst thing you can do! So, you like to exercise..it's good for you, it makes you feel better, you get an hour to yourself...you love animals, ... maybe exercise animals! I don't know your answer..cause I just don't know enough about your daily life, your schedule, where you can fit in something new or make changes to open up time to START...but I bet if you gave this some deep consideration - you could come up with one new thing you could try. Just take a chance and try something different. Develop a new talent - like cooking (if you have an interest in that) - or Who Know's What - as long as you are at least willing to try. Do you like music? Do you play any instruments? How about a new play? Or even taking animals to seniors as an outreach to them...they love animals, and most are allowed visitors whether in Sr. Housing, Asst Living or Nursing Homes... That could be a fantastic possibility! Give it some good thought. You're not trying to save the world. You're just wanting to take one step forward towards something NEW that would be enjoyable to you...and somehow benefit someone else at the same time!! I'll keep thinking... Much Love. 

Thanks everyone. Thank you kmartin for not pushing, just like diet and exercise it does no good unless the person wants it for themselves. JS, I don't expect anyone else to come up with my answer for the exact reasons you've stated. I'm just frustrated with where I am now, and at a loss for the correct direction to take my life. Right now I have been doing "nothing" and it just makes me more unhappy. Hey maybe exercising animals could serve 3-4 purposes. I would get exercise, get to play with animals that aren't mine, and possibly earn some extra cash doing it. I just hate uncertainty. And I'm impatient so I want the answer like yesterday! I like having a goal/plan/focus. That was all well and good for going from fat to thin, but now that I'm on the downside of that I need some other focus. For the record I posted my question about goals in 3 others places today, and this is the only place where I'm getting any answers. Thank you all for input and suggestions. I also did a web search and found this site "http://users.aristotle.net/~diogenes/meaning1.htm" Which was somewhat interesting, but also didn't provide answers (cause I'm the only person who can answer my own question for this, which sucks right now cause I don't know the answer) 

Icy - I've been offline all afternoon. I have nothing else to add - I think Paula reads my mind when she types - except that while it may not seem so - I do understand where you're at. I can agree/empathize/concur with everything each of your friends here have said. And I understand your position as well. Additionally, I will add my two cents about combining your acting and animal love based on my experience. I too have been involved with the stage since I don't know birth? I recently have "retired" but for 2 years I directed my church drama ministry. It was a great opportunity for me to use my love of the stage and my love for God to write plays, cast, and direct them while fulfilling a "greater mission" to share my faith while at the same time using skills I have and enjoy for a non-personal gain but to my personal satisfaction. There are opportunities hidden in lots of places... some of them right in front of our noses. On a final note - as an online friend - I can say that your significance and "meaning" have touched this life. I look forward to your posts, to your insight and even to your humanness of questioning yourself and your goals. I like that you make me question me - that is a good thing.  

The real truth (for me anyway) is that it's not in the 'doing'. It's not what you do...that makes you worthy...it's who you are. You are a strong, insightful and independent thinker. A go getter. Someone who enjoys being challenged. And each time you bring yourself to embark on some new focus... you will find something of joy in it! And THAT will begin to define who you are. Sounds to me like you are a leader. (without much to lead at the moment) but it doesn't have to stay that way. And you are successful...at all sorts of things. But those aren't really the things that truly mean anything when you're on your last days, and reflecting on if your life mattered and if it made a difference. If you are really searching the deep inward places to find that PURPOSE to your life - that is going to come at the expense of surrendering your life to the service, giving and loving of others. Some how, some way... you will find that meeting the needs of your husband, parents, or friends, moves you into meeting the needs of total strangers. Maybe they need to laugh, or be complimented...perhaps you just might reach out to someone at their lowest moment, and actually 'touch' another persons life and inspire HOPE. Perhaps your gifts and talents - your identity as an individual - will lead you to do great things. Perhaps not. But if my only purpose in this life was to reach out and touch the life of one other individual and actually make an impact ... I'm ok w/ that. I consider that a life well lived. Not everyone has that. Or is able to see it when they do. But seriously, you really need to think about what you find to be of value to you. What really matters to you. Surely it isn't materialism, you're sleeping on the floor on an air mattress! Nor is it solving the world's illness discoveries, or you'd be a research scientist. You've chosen to make people, and relationships IMPORTANT TO YOU! and that's a beautiful thing to do! A worthwhile thing as well. I know you will find answers for what brings you happiness and joy and peace... and you'll even make some changes that will bring about MORE of that. But in the end will you find your true purpose? To give love, and to receive love. (it's typically the receiving part we all have a great problem with!) :) Much Love. 

Icy, It is so funny I always think that actors and entertainers are incredible it doesn't matter how you feel you can go and see a movie/play and forget all your worries for the time you are there that is a great talent, I think they are a great blessing with all the joy they bring. I also am an animal lover I think that is a wonderful place to be. You are working on yourself at this time, if you could see my beside table you will see a stack of self help books, I have been working on myself for probably the last 3 years but really got down to it this last year when I started looking after my health and myself more. It's funny I had that conversation with my daughter and said I don't have a real passion in my life....it seems to have escaped me. I actually did say I would really love to help people get to the place I am right now with my weight and health. Yes I am certainly no expert but I know I am very good at encouraging people and helping them to work on themselves and feel better about themselves, I always find the best in people and look for the goodness in them. Yes I found that out by seeing someone who helped me sort myself out I found out things I didn't know about myself, he did tell me I should have been a teacher, which will maybe explain why I like helping people. He was not a doctor he is actually someone who helps companies get the best out of their employees. In fact one great thing he said to me, is work on your strengths not your weakness's that really gave me a lot to think about, I had never heard that before, stop thinking about my negatives, it was nice to be given permission to forget them. I don't go to church or belong to a church, but I am a believer, I am of the mind that may your God go with you, whomever that may be. I think there a lots of great things about lots of religions.....there are also lots of things I don't like about lots of religions. But to each his own. I really am a work in progress, I think we on FS all at different stages are a huge help to each other. You will get to a better place, you are in a hard place right now but you will come through it.....I love reading your journals I wish I had this place to share my feeling 3yrs ago I think it would have helped me get here quicker. You have really made me think of my travels to this place keep on doing that and taking me back.......over my journey. I didn't realize how far I had come till I found FS. Still on my journey.....glad to know I am not alone. Sending you good thoughts and {{HUGS}}  

I love this question! I can't answer it, but I love it. I know you can't, by faith, accept that God is. We who do believe in God, believe that the Bible is God's inspired word, that it was written by men of faith, whom God spoke to directly. In it, God tells us that we were created to have an intimate relationship with Him - our very purpose was to have fellowship with the God of creation, something that even the angels could not have. That relationship was broken when Adam and Eve rebelled in the garden. But, by God's grace, He reconciled our relationship to Himself, by allowing His Son to pay the price for our rebellion and restore our relationship to Him for all eternity. But, in order to cash in on that grace, you have to believe and accept His son Jesus as Lord. The best part is that God loves you unconditionally whether you believe in Him or not, and He will pursue after you until your dying breath. But, you only have until your dying breath to make that decision. He says that those who seek Him will find Him. He says that He will prove himself to you, if you are really interested. So, the ball is really in your court. You can ask Him, in earnest, to prove himself to you, and He will. Or you can go on trying to fill that empty void within you, without Him, wondering what your purpose in life is. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.