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The honeymoon is over and I don't feel as excited about having all this time on my hands. I realize I've been blaming stress and school and work for me being unhealthy, and I've really let myself go. I finally have the time to look myself in the mirror and see how big I've gotten. Man. I feel and look so fat. I'm not trying to be negative. Really. It's just that I finally see myself. I want to say that I don't know how this happened, but the thing is I do. Stress and lack of time means eating badly and not living a healthy lifestyle. I'm telling you: I feel soooooo fat. I'm in public and I'm thinking about how everyone sees me and thinks, wow look at that fat girl.
So I started working out 6 days a week; I'm doing the blogilates beginners calendar and it is kicking my butt. And I'm cooking more and eating fruits and vegetables again. I know that I'll see the results if I keep at it. I've played this game before. Good news is just around the corner if I kick temptation to the curve. What I want though is to make it last. I yo-yo on and off the weight loss bandwagon. I want to stay on and just be healthy. I've heard that before, but I really mean it right now. I want to be healthy!
I know I shouldn't focus on the scale number, or on feeling and looking fat. I know I should focus on loving myself and becoming stronger, on cultivating my energy positively. I know. I'll get there.
I'm just in shock right now. :(
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