bump98's Logboek, 07 aug 10

I totally know what you mean. I have a couple of FB friends who are sisters & I swear all they do is go out to eat & post status updates about it. Neither one is really overweight but a lot of the stuff they eat is CRAP...I even started posted a comment about how something they were talking about had an insane amount of calories & I discarded it before posting. Why the hell is this fat chick trying to tell US what's too many calories...that is what I would think if I were them & read that. And I get scared too, even though I'm proud of my new habits & the weight I've lost so far, I read about some people stuck in plateaus & other losing like it's nobody's business. Even though I generally do a pretty good job staying positive, I fear that I'll stop getting good results & get discouraged. I don't want to give up like I did the other times, so I have to remind myself that I'm getting ahead of myself & I just need to get through today. I also fear that my husband won't embrace this process the way I have, even though he is kind of starting to, but he is much older than I am so sometimes I wonder what the future looks like for us too. The hardest part for me is that I still have so far to go, so I am really trying not to dwell on the end result. If I continue to focus on reinforcing my good habits & short-term goals, it gets me by until the scale decides to recognize my efforts. Hang in there DJ...(((hugs))) 

DJ, I agree with you that thinking about this as "dieting" is the wrong approach. It is about changing habits for a lifetime. While that is hard to do, we just have to keep plugging away. The thing that I try to remember is that I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm trying to lose fat. So the scale isn't the only tool to use. Getting body fat percentage down is the important thing. Too many people lose a lot of "weight" but end up with a higher body fat percentage, so eventually, they have to rebound to an even higher overall weight. The goal has to be to maintain as much muscle as possible while losing pounds of fat. As for your wife and co-workers, everyone has to decide in their own time if, when and how they want to change their life. Clearly, there is no "one size fits all" answer to obesity (contrary to what ALL of the advertisements say..LOL). My wife has her own weight issues and I know that she is not going to get on to this site EVER. She is not going to closely monitor what she eats. I try to help by keeping better food choices and fewer crappy food choices in the house and by leading by example. But I NEVER bring up the subject of her weight or health unless she asks for my advice. She is a grown woman and she is perfectly aware of her health and weight issues. She either will or won't decide to work at it, just as I make my own decisions for me. As for the surgery route, I agree with you. I had two friends and my wife had several co-workers get the lap-band or gastric by-pass surgery. Of the six, only one lost any significant weight, and she did it by becoming bulemic (not sure of the spelling, but she would eat a bunch of crap and then puke it up into a trash can... even at work). I talked to my doctor about the surgery options a while back and he told me that if you get the surgery, you have to have a very specifically controlled diet for the rest of your life and you have to exercise. DUHH, if I'm going to eat healthy and exercise, why would I go to the expense, pain and danger of surgery? Why not just eat healthy and exercise? People think that the surgery is a magic bullet to weight loss, but its not. Finally, about your concern about getting to your goal and keeping a healthy lifestyle, I wish you all the best. I've been on this ride before. I have gotten down to my ideal weight several times, by eating healthy foods and walking, hiking, working out, etc. My problem has always been maintenance. Once I reach my goal, I stop paying so much attention to my diet. Then something will come up at work and I will be stressed out and working crazy hours. Next thing I know, Ive gained 130 lbs and I'm starting all over again. This time, though, I'm making a true LIFESTYLE change. At the end of the year, I'm quitting my job of 18 years, because I've figured out that it is killing me. What good is making a living if its going to kill me. I'm going to work at a less stressful job with more time off. I'll make a lot less pay, but my QUALITY of life will be far superior. I know that this isn't an option for everyone, but its the only way that is going to work for me. Congratulations on your achievements so far and best wishes for continued success. BD  

DJ - and the rest of you on this thread have it right, it's not about dieting. Anyone can drop a few pounds temporarily. It's about the lifestyle change where the weight stays off. That's why even though things like lap band (and worse gastric bypass) work really well in the short term, if you don't change your habits the weight STILL can come back on. I vaguely recall something about how Al Roker had a gastric bypass years ago and then gained a bunch of the weight back. Overeating has so many underlying causes - most of which is psychological. I think when you get into those of us who put on a lot of weight we eat to treat anxiety, depression, loneliness, whatever we don't want to feel. I spent a lot of my 20s suffering with some pretty strong mental health stuff and it's really only when I took care of myself mentally and got better that way was I able to even consider doing what I'm doing now. We get so many mixed messages about food as a society. Everywhere we go marketers are telling us to eat this, try that, have that giant portion at the restaurant but at the same time be a size 0 (if you're a woman) or some cut muscled type (for guys). It's really easy to buy into having the giant package of cookies because you can "lose 30 lbs in 30 days!" or whatever. I'm endlessly amused when I see that ads for junk food/desserts/fast food are often in the same commercial blocks with ads for Jenny Craig/Nutrisystem/WW.  

I guess we indeed were channeling the same frustration last night! I don't think my friend wants to put in the effort to lose weight! and her doctors don't care! I guess they figure.. if she's NOT successful it's a higher likelihood that they or their doctor friends will continue to stay in business!! Your doing Great.. so glad you decided to do it safely.. and hopefully your wife will learn from your example and decide losing weight is important to her also!!!  

I watched the same program last night. It pissed me off, and made me google "excess skin weight loss", lol. It also bothered me that everyone was 240 pounds. 240 pounds and they need a lap band? Really? When I was 215, not too far from 240, I never once thought of surgery as an option. That young girl seemed spoiled and doomed to repeat her mistakes. She's not going to have a very happy life, I can guarantee you that. Also the runner that ran 7 days a week and the gym rat that was in the gym 6-7 days a week. That's extreme. That said, the one thing I took out of the program was that while the runner and the lap band patient had crazy excess skin, the weight trainer didn't have that issue. Even though she was much smaller and toned and 100lbs lighter, she lost a lot of body fat and gained a lot of muscle. I think if we were to look at the program critically, the evidence shown is that while surgery and tons of cardio do work, the way to get the best results is to focus on getting a stronger body. At least that's whatI decided to take from it. I think it was irresponsible of that program to present it the way they did.  

DJ - When I started on this weight loss adventure, I too had a lot of misgivings. I wasn't sure I could do it. That's why I set an original goal of just losing just 20 lbs - at the time, it was an enormous goal. When I lost that 20 lbs, I realized that I had the the right plan and the right tools to get control of my weight. I was not afraid to try for a more ambitious goal. You gained all that weight from eating too much food and having too little fitness. It was the same for me. Now I don't even want to eat the "cheat" foods, because I know how they make me feel. Now, I want to exercise, because I know how it makes me feel. I think that you are getting in that same attitude? From your journal, it seems you've developed new healthy habits and new healthy attitudes. This means you will finish this race. You are on the right course, and the finish line is always in your view. You will do it. About the saggy skin problem: If you are losing at a moderate rate, and eating healthy foods, you skin should adjust to your body size. Sometimes a firming lotion will help. I use the Jergens Skin Firming brand that doesn't smell too foofy. You might try that if you have concerns. Also, make sure you're eating adequate fruit. There is something in the micro-nutrients of fruit that seems to tone and clear the skin.  

WOW Erin I'm so glad you caught that. My wife had it on the TV when I went into the room but I left disgusted after she made those comments to me. Did the lady that spent all that time in the gym and wants to compete in natural bodybuilding ever talk about not having excess skin? I never got a look at her tummy. The young girl was so spoiled. She was given everything that she wants on a silver platter. I think that it was funny that her mom was lecturing her about food while at the dinner table. It didn't look like there was much healthy food on the table. Then for the parents to turn around and give her the money for the skin surgery and then it looked like they threw her a party with cake. WTF!!!. And the doctors did the lap-band surgery with out her having to change her lifestyle. That just tells me the doctors are just in it for the money. What was the name of that program? I agree that was a very irresponsible way to portray those people but again TV networks have to make there money too.  

It was called How I Lost 100LBS. The bodybuilder woman, we only really saw up to her belly button, but she was really tight and toned throughout her torso, compared to the lap band girl whose whole torso sort of jiggled around a lot. The runner, which you probably missed, had about 8 inches of skin that woild reach to the ground when she would do a pushup in about the same outfit. The bodybuilder didnt have that problem. Of all three, the bodybuilder woman impressed me most, because i think one could achieve that same results in a bit more time without such intensity as she did, and surgery was not a part of her journey. I think the lap band girl was an idiot though. But if you dont learn from your mistakes, youre doomed to repeat them. The reason i get angry about surgery is because it sends a message that we are not capable of acheiving great things. If one were to have really pressing medical issues, maybe. If we have an addiction to eating, we can change that, we are capable. Its hard, but everyone has strength within them. I am shocked how many doctors recommend it. If someonewas a drug addict, and we had a surgery or an injection that made all cravings for thst drug go away, it would not solve the problem, because the problem is also very psychological. Doctors should be empowering people to make good healthy choices, and refuting the idea that it will be easy and that surgery will work regardless of your lifestyle. I think im done ranting though. bTW, I love your outlook, and i know youre going to do great.  

The ones I really don't understand are where the person has to lose 100 or more pounds before they can get the lap-band or bypass surgery. They do it with diet and exercise and then still go for the surgery. If you have that much success the healthy way, why go for the surgery? That being said, I equate losing weight to quitting smoking. I quit 20 or 30 or 40 times until one day I said "that's it, I'm done" and then I successfully quit. I have also "dieted" a million times until several months ago I said "Done being fat" and now have changed my lifestyle to get what I want. WE need to decide ourselves when it is time, so have patience with your wife. Keep doing what you are for yourself and when she is ready she will join you. Have a great weekend.