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Something happened last night that upset me little. I have to accept it and that's that, but I wanted to vent.
I thought all this time I was losing weight that my DH Mark and I had a "deal": that once I lose my 100 pounds, he would lose his 40. He's 5'10" and 245. His lowest weight was 180. Well, last night I found out that I was wrong. It came up somehow that we never had a "deal". Apparently I imagined or assumed that. I may have said, "If I lose my 100 pounds. will you lose your 40?" and he may have even nodded his head, figuring he'd worry about that a year down the road, or he may never even have done that because he is saying now it never happened, though I really don't think I imagined it.
The entire reason I started my journey was because of this heartfelt speech he gave me where he sat me down and pleaded with me to lose weight, claiming that there are no really old fat people and that he wants to get old with me. When I threw it back in his face about the whole "there are no old fat people", he just said, "I'm comfortable with my weight." And I said, "So was I!" He went on to say that he saw my ankle and knee issues as precursors to crippling weight-related issues (notice, not life-threatening, but crippling), and I'm wondering now if he just wanted me to lose weight so he wouldn't have to take care of me, and it had nothing to do with me dying!
I mean, of course I know the weight would eventually kill me, but this makes me feel like he's a big hypocrite. So it's okay for me to get thin and live, but he is "comfortable" with his weight. He went on to say that his weight doesn't limit him from any of life's activities (it does limit me). While this is true, that has little to do with health.
Overall, I'm just sad. I thought we were on this journey together, just on separate paths. Now it turns out I'm on this journey alone. However, I'm not disheartened in the least. If anything, the fire under my ass is lit even higher and hotter because this IS for me, and if he doesn't give a sh#t about himself enough to stick around and get old with me and be with me to see it out, then that will be his loss, but I'm sure as hell not going to sacrifice my own health and future because he chooses to be lazy, self-indulgent and in denial about his weight. I'm going all the way with this, but apparently, I'm going it alone.
I told him last night that I thought we had a "deal", but if we don't, I certainly do love him the way he is, I'm just sad because now that I've bought into the whole "there are no really fat old people" concept, I believe he won't get old with me. He didn't say much - how could he? I'm not going to shame him, because what would be the point? If losing 50 pounds out of my 100 pound first goal isn't enough to inspire him, then I doubt losing the other 50 will do squat, but it doesn't matter because ultimately, I'm doing this for me first, and "us" second.
He knows he was a jerk. He tried to be nice and cheer me up the rest of the night, but I wouldn't have it. I told him this was a lot to process and it would take some time. I told him I loved him, but that I was also crushed with disappointment and I needed time. I will need a good cry to get past this. It hasn't happened yet, but it will today, I imagine.
Thank you for listening. It really helps just getting it out.
Dominique/aka Mrs. Mole
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104,3 kg
Tot nu toe verloren: 22,7 kg.
Nog te gaan: 36,7 kg.
Dieet gevolgd: 100%.
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896 kcal
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Vet: 33,25g | Eiwit: 91,33g | Kolhy: 62,20g.
Ontbijt: Slim-Fast Meal Bars - Chocolate Cookie Dough. Lunch: Denny's Sliced Tomatoes (3 Slices), Ground Beef (85% Lean / 15% Fat). Diner: Francisco International French Sandwich Rolls, HEB Ground Chicken Breast. Snacks/Andere: Sunsweet Dried Plums Bite Size Pitted Prunes. meer...
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gewichtsbehoud
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 Reacties
You rock !!!!! Strong lady, Mrsmole !!!!! :)
25 feb 14 door lid: erwinwarrior83
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LOLOL. Too funny, @MM. Sorry, I'm glad to hear you did it for you. :D
25 feb 14 door lid: Rob.c.weiss
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I think it can be very upsetting when you love someone - you consider yourself partners in life. Something similar happened to me with my spouse. It was about quitting smoking. He kept saying I was a chain smoker, which I was and he was concerned with my well being. He too was a smoker & has numerous health conditions and with the kidney disease, well it puts a hardship on the blood pressure - well I could go and on and on. Any way we made a mutual decision -we went cold turkey. I stopped completely and put on 20 some lbs - he did not have the will power to quit - he promised and lied and then finally told me to mind my own business. Short story I think your partner became angry because you did something he couldn't do. I'm certain your love must be proud of you - I don't know what you previously weight but just to lose 100lbs takes discipline - u must be a strong person - once committed to something u follow it to the end. Bottom line I think he does not want to try because he is fearful of failure. Good luck and keep working toward your goal. When I first signed up I think I was in the low 150's, now I'm at 171 and hating it. It's take discipline and I am hoping that I can do what you did.
25 feb 14 door lid: Serenity1956
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You are doing this for YOU!!! A healthier YOU!! Speaking about my DH.....he seems to "remember" things differently than I do. Funny how his version can take some "twists" but my version does not. Hmmm.....Life can throw us some "curve balls". We have to take them all in stride. We aren't guaranteed a certain amount of time on this earth. We have to do the best we can with what we have. You hang in there. Wishing you the best and success in your journey! ā„
25 feb 14 door lid: PinkRose88
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Hugs! Sorry to hear of your let down. Sometimes I feel that we are too often let down in life instead of lifted up. Have yourself a good cry, I know that there are times I should more receptive to a good cry and make time for it. Your not alone on your journey, where his oath has left off you've met many others to carry on with :)
25 feb 14 door lid: poofkiss
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Why don't you wake him up every morning at four and say. "Honey. I'm going to the gym now. Want to come?" Do it every day. :) EWMN!
26 feb 14 door lid: northernmusician
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Like PinkRose88 stated You are doning this for You! And a healthier you is all you can give to yourself and those you love. Perhaps if he see this he may com around.
26 feb 14 door lid: lmgeis
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Mrsmole, I'm sorry you feel betrayed. Hopefully, you are getting healthy for yourself and not for him. Don't allow him or anyone else to put out your desire to be all you can be in this life. Take time for yourself, enjoy the people you meet along the way and know this journey might not be the easiest, but it will be one of the most worthwhile. Sometimes disapointments stoke the flames of determination!
26 feb 14 door lid: Hoffner
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(((((mrsmole))))) You may have started your journey for your DH, but along the way, you found yourself and are now doing this for you. Empowerment, no matter how small or how it is achieved, and mostly when you don't even realize that it is happening... can be fearful to others. As you are acheiving your goals, you cannot help but to be empowered, this is natural, but as it happens, DH could be feeling a bit fearful and intimidated, also a natural reaction, and he may not even realize that he does. Just hug him and tell him you love him and keep on trucking, he will come around!
26 feb 14 door lid: Pattonian
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